想要求姻缘啊？这年头谁还真信寺庙那套？但架不住家里老人催啊！上周我妈又翻出本旧黄历,“啪”拍在桌上: “属龙de就得正月初五去灵隐寺烧头香！晚le就没缘le！ ” 当时就笑le,“妈你去年还说属鸡de要二月二呢…后来啊表姐到现在还单着! ”
春季求姻缘?先看你是不是 “犯冲 ”
说句可能得罪人的话... 再说白羊座 ! 星座书不是说白羊座春天桃花运旺吗 ? 可闺蜜白羊四月份去寒山寺拜月老 ,回来跟我说 : “和尚给算le一卦 ,说今年犯太岁 …得戴红绳 ! ” 后来啊买le根红绳拴在钥匙扣上 ,五一出门跟人撞电线杆子把绳撞断le …现在还在跟男友吵架呢 ! 你说说这信还是不信 ?
哦对le!春季别穿绿衣服!
冬季拜佛?小心庙里de猫挠你
一到冬天大家都缩在家里烤火 ,谁没事跑寺庙啊 ? 可偏有人信 “冬季感情升温快 ” ——比如妈妈辈de总说 “冬天下雪天一起走不容易分手 ” . 表哥属狗de ,去年冬至 nono非拉他去鸡鸣寺烧 incense (香) . 那天雪下得贼大 , temple (寺庙)门口 slippery (滑)得要命.表哥摔le个屁股蹲儿,knee (膝盖)擦破le皮.回来舅妈非但没心疼 ,反而念叨 : “这叫 ‘磨掉晦气 ’! ” now (现在)表哥谈起这事还骂 : “下次再也不去le!庙门口那只橘猫都比他温柔!”
冬季求姻缘?先查黄历有没有 “雪忌 ”
奶奶家那本黄历比 Bible (圣经)还旧,pages(页)角都卷起来le.她说冬季求姻缘要看 “雪忌日”—下雪天不能拜!为什么?主要原因是 “雪盖因缘路 ” ——雪花把缘分盖住le找不到.可去年腊月二十三小年那天,snow(下雪)下得特别大,aunt(姨妈)还是拽着小姨去寒山寺.le.后来啊两人滑倒在台阶上,sisters(姐妹)俩胳膊肘都擦 bleeding(流血) le.回家后姨妈哭着说 : “早知道听妈de..这下好了,both(两个)人都伤le!”小姨则翻着白眼 : “明明是你鞋跟太高!”
节日?不如在家躺平!
你我共勉。 说起节日求姻缘—最热闹 de莫过于七夕和除夕 le. every year(每年 )七夕灵隐寺 de香客比春运火车还多 .squeezing through crowd(挤过人群 ),连拜拜 de功夫都没有 ! last year’s Chinese Valentine’s Day(去年七夕),姐们儿为 le拜月老,woke up at three in morning(凌晨三点起床 ),赶最早一班地铁到灵隐寺 .resulting in her eyes being bloodshot and puffy from lack of sleep(眼睛熬得通红浮肿 ).who knew that after kneeling down to kowtow three times,suddenly a gust of wind blew out incense stick in her hand!(谁知磕完三个头,a阵风吹灭勒她手里 de香!)姐们儿当时就崩溃 le : "难道月老嫌俺香烧少勒?"
元宵节滚元宵=滚走姻缘?
还有元宵节!妈妈总说 "元宵节滚元宵能滚来好缘分 ".so every year on Lantern Festival,I have to roll sesame balls with my family.(所以每年元宵节,:都要跟着家人搓汤圆.)last year,I rolled a particularly big one,but it fell on floor and broke into pieces.(去年搓勒个特别大 de,:后来啊掉地上碎成渣.)mom sighed and said:"Alas,you’ve broken your own marriage."(:妈妈叹气说:) "唉,:砸了你自己de缘分!"who would have thought that two months later,I really broke up with my boyfriend!(谁知俩月后,:真跟男友分手 le!)now I’m convinced:rolling sesame balls is not my forte,at all.(现在彻底服勒:搓汤圆根本不是俺强项!)
时辰?和尚都说 "随缘 "
人间清醒。 说到时辰—那些所谓 de"吉时 ":卯时 (五点到七点 )\辰时 (七点到九点 )\酉时 (五点到七点 )...blah blah blah(...唠唠叨叨).last month I plucked up courage to ask a monk in Lingyin Temple:(上个月壮着胆子问灵隐寺和尚:) "Master,is re a best time to pray for marriage?"(: "师傅,:求姻缘有没有最佳时辰呀?") monk smiled and said:"Everything is fate,darling.Don’t worry too much about time."(:和尚笑笑:) "施主,:一切随缘.:不必太执着时辰."n he went back to watering flowers,(然后转身浇花,)ignoring me completely.(完全不理俺 le!)you see?(看到没?)连和尚都这么说了,!you still believe those messy horoscopes?(你们还信那些乱七八糟 de黄道吉日吗?)
I have a cousin who is very superstitious.(俺有个表哥特迷信.)he checked almanac and found that March 15th this year is a "double joy day" for marriage.(他查黄历发现今年三月十五是 "婚姻双喜日".so he booked a flight to Suzhou Hanshan Temple early in morning,(于是大清早订机票飞苏州寒山寺,)ready to kowtow to Yue Lao at dawn.(准备天亮前给月老磕头.)but when he arrived at temple,he found that it wasn’t open yet!(可到勒寺庙才发现:门还没开!)so he had to sit on steps and wait,(只能坐在台阶上傻等,)with a bunch of tourists taking photos of him as if he were a statue!(一群游客围着他拍照,:仿佛他是雕像!)by noon,when temple finally opened,cousin had already fallen asleep on steps!(中午寺庙开门时,:表哥已经在台阶上睡熟 le!)when he woke up,he muttered:"Yue Lao must be testing me..."(:醒来嘟囔:) "月老肯定在考验俺..."who knows if Yue Lao was testing him or if he was just sleepy?(谁知是考验还是单纯困 le呢?)